Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
