Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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