Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
