I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
