Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left an ass print on the piano.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
