When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
