Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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