I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
