a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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