tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
