at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
