you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
