Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
