i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
