i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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