The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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