Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
