k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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