the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
