Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I touched a dick in church today
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
