Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my shit smells like andre
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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