If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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