man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
