Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
