Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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