ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
