There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
