I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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