I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
