she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
