I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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