Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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