belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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