ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
