hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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