you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
