Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
