Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
