I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
