I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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