I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How does one acquire holy water?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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