We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
