I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
