good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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