Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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