dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
