I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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