Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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