So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to cum in my sink.
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