the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
