420 ftw
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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