God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
