So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
