Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
