I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
